To this day....

You know the more I write about my experiences I a disappointed that I did not start this sooner.  Some of these stories would be even more entertaining if they were still fresh in my mind.  However, having said that, this particular encounter has perplexed in such a way that I think I can remember it in it's entirety.

On it' surface this was nothing more than a piano move.  And actually the business part of this story is but a footnote.  The curiosity comes from the details.  When we originally put the address I knew we were going to a REALLY BAD part of town.  Despite the abandon cars on the side of the road, filthy empty lots, and homeless people pushing shopping carts full of their worldly belongs, someone in this neighborhood had acquired a piano.  We drove up to the "house", and save for a few details it looked abandoned.  The grass was literally waist high.  The city had even posted a sign on the side of the house pointing out that it was in violation of a least one of the codes.  The strange part, on the outside at least, was that there was a $20-30k Harley Davidson leaning up against this $15k House.  So from the beginning my curiosity was piqued. 

Considering the context of the house and neighborhood, I have to admit I had a predetermined idea of what the individual inside looked like.  Never in a million years would I have imagined how wrong I was. Standing just inside the opened door was ridiculously attractive young latino woman, wearing a very low cut designer dress (or a knockoff what do I know).  I couldn't wrap my head around all the contradicitions I was witnessing.  If she was indeed the person living here had she skimped on home improvement to pay for her recent augmentation?!  While on that subject, had that procedure reduced sensitivity to a point where she did not realize the areola on full display?!  To be honest, she looked like a PRO that was rather comfortable with a bit of exhibitionism.  In that moment, not only had I forgotten why we were here, but I had also not noticed the inside of this house.  As I came back to my senses and looked around, I don't even know how to describe it.  It basically looked like someone had taken the house and shook it until the insides were scrambled.  However, being relatively sure we have never had a local earthquake, I determined that we must be in the home of a HOARDER.

Every layer of this situation causes confusion.  The piano....almost forgot about that.  Upon meeting us at the door, and the subsequent flashing, she says "oh I didn't know you were coming, let me clean up." She then proceeded to pick up one or two pieces of trash that revealed the outline of a walking path that had been made in the garbage covered floor.  SERIOUSLY?!  First of all, she did know we were coming since we had just talked to her on the phone.  Secondly, "let me clean up" is hilarious for obvious reasons.

So we actually got to the anticlimactic part of the story, the moving of the piano.  However, while we were working she made her way into this little bedroom where she had exactly one chair that wasnt buried.  She sat there with her laptop while we loaded the piano.  When we got ready to leave she locked up, obviously for fear that someone might squat in the house.  She walked out to a car that I thought was abandoned in the high grass.  Much to my surprise, the vehicle came to life after a little effort on her part, and away she went.

To this day I have soooo many questions.  I seriously have no idea what was going on in that house.  And in all honestly, I am sure there are some questions that are better left unasked.....

You shouldn't have....REALLY....

Now I may be overstepping my bounds with the entry, but what are blogs for, if not to do just that.  This is sort of a follow up to my last entry about the client that left 2 beers in the fridge.  I told you the front end of the story, since at the time it amused me the most and briefly restored my faith in mankind.  However, the more I thought about it, the delivery phase of this move might prove to be more entertaining.

Lost in the original story was that we were moving a hutch.  This is a fancy term for a display case of sorts where people show off their "I'm better than you" belongings.  When we got there to retreive this one in particular we could tell it was "unique".  Upon furthur inspection you could tell that it was hand-made, which is why it had several imperfections.  Obviously, we had to document these BEFORE touching it, lest we be blamed for all its shortcomings. 

From her reaction it would seem that the buyer had purchased this item sight unseen, or just through craigslist pictures.  This practice never seems to amaze me.  I can't imagine giving a random stranger more than $10 for something I have not been in the same room with to verify it's condition.  Obviously, from my description, you may have guessed that neither my partner or I thought this piece was particularly great.  However, her reaction or overeaction as it were, made it clear that she had a much higher opinion of it.  She literally FREAKED OUT!!  You would have thought we had showed up at her door with ballons, the late Ed McMahon, and an oversized check.  "Oh my God....it's so beautiful"...this announcement was then followed by the female hands to mouth move that is usually sufficient to ward off hyperventilation or fainting.  Call me a minimalist, but this reaction seemed over the top even if I had shared her opinion of the piece's beauty.  And then she uttered the words still puzzle me.....

"It's sooooo beautiful....HE* will LOVE IT"!!  "This is HIS* 10th Anniversary present".  After hearing this my mind could only come up with one word....SERIOUSLY?!  Now I admit that it is very presumptuous of me to think I know this man better than his wife of 10 years, but....SERIOUSLY?!  It's a dining room hutch.  Then I got to wondering WHY on Earth would she think HE* would love it?  A quick glance around did not reveal the home of a male interior designer or an "artist" of any kind.  What was it that had happened over the course of 10 years of marriage that would result in HIM* preferring a dining room hutch to a pool table or golf clubs?  What had happened to my fellow man?!  Having no way to answer these questions, I suddenly felt very sad for HIM*.  If, as I suspect, he did NOT love this gift as much as his wife expected then it would be somewhat of a disappointment.  However, if he did love it that much, then something along the way must have broken his spirit.  For I can say with relative certainty, that 10 years ago this MAN was NOT thinking if he stayed married or 10 years he would be rewarded with a HUTCH.

For fear of inducing a brain aneurysm I am going to attempt to let this go.  A dining room hutch....SERIOUSLY?!

Pronouns* were used to protect the innocent, and more than likely the disappointed.

Every once in awhile.....

You know, the purpose of this blog was the give you a glimpse into this ridiculous profession.  And 99% of the time that is exactly what it will be.  However, every once in awhile the stars line up, and a miracle happens. We were supposed to move a hutch.  This was a seemingly simple job that I, ever the optomist, was expecting to be another fiasco.  And for the first time in over a year it wasn't.

The seller had sold everything else in the house except for this piece of furniture.  They were not even at the property when we arrived.  So immedately I am in a good mood because there is no one looking over our shoulder.  And since there was NOTHING in the house there was nothing to navigate around.  Or at least I thought the house was empty.  I am not even sure why I looked.  It is not something I ever do, but curiosity got the best of me.  And there it was......ABSOLUTE PERFECTION....

To make a long story short...if you want to make your movers abnormally happy, just follow these few simple rules.

* Don't be there, just leave a key under the mat.

* Move every single piece of furniture out of the dwelling except the piece we are moving.

* Leave two non-domestic beers in the fridge...preferable something dark.

And they lived happily ever after.....