What's REALLY Important....

Just some random hilariousness for the day.  We moved a couch for a guy today.  No real adventure as far as the moving aspect goes.  However,  the seller was officially "A Trip".  Do people still say that?!

Anyway, she was a very (ok VERY) attractive woman  in her late 20s, early 30s...."with the mind of a much younger woman".  She had just sold her "$2600 couch for $225", so business and math was NOT her forte.  And from the look of her home, she may not have had the best domestic skill set other.  Everything was very nice, and very expensive (for the sake of being expensive) but very dirty.  The house was a mess.

She was mourning the loss of her couch.  She said that the new, bigger, better, more expensive couch wouldn't get there for three days.  "We'll have to break out the bean bag chairs....like in college."  She even mentioned "Mad Dog 20 20", and all I could think was WOW.  Because to look at her you would think she was a prim and proper "lady". She actually was married and had a kid. Her husband was there during all this.  I failed to mention him until now because he never said a word and hardly made any eye contact.

When we went to leave she mentioned that they were relocating and might need our help.  We asked where and she said "I dunno he hasn't decided yet."  Turns out her husband is a partner in a law firm (Theres a CLUE).  When we asked which one she literally said, " I dunno....one downtown, it has a really long name...I have a debit card from them though *hehe*".

All I could think again was WOW!!  No wonder this guy never made eye contact.  He was just counting the hours until Monday when he could go back to work and support his HABIT...which obviously was her.  I would venture to guess where her true talents lie, and what she was bringing to the marriage that he would want to support "the lifestyle she was accustomed to....", but I will let you draw your own conclusions......

Quick Easy Job...No Problem

This is a GARAGE DOOR!

This is a standard size door

ANY QUESTIONS?!

People never cease to amaze me.  We actually had a woman argue with us about this.  She bought a refrigerator, and called us to pick it up and deliver it.  She said we were taking it from a GARAGE, and delivering it to her home.  She even told us it was a "one man job...no problem".  Now I think you all know where this is going.....

We get to the address, and first we think we are at the wrong place.  Something is missing....NO GARAGE!!  We knock on the door, and yes we are at the right place.  The homeowner leads us through the STANDARD SIZE DOOR to the storage room that the refrigerator is in.  I have been doing this long enough to KNOW that this refrigerator is NOT going to fit out this door without some labor involved. 

So now we call the lady to let her know that this is going to take at least an extra half an hour....and that we need to be PAID for that extra half hour. She proceeds to argue with us. She tried to convince us that the 10'X12' storage room that we were currently standing in was a garage.  While I admit that, if you moved the Christmas decorations around, the new Smart Car may in fact have fit in there...it still would not have fit through the door. 

Eventually, she calmed down enough, and realized that she was wrong.  All this time the clock is ticking.  Not that it matters at this point, this job has turned into a complete joke.  She agrees to the extra half an hour, which still isn't enough, but oh well. 

So the job that was supposed to be a one hour, one man job taking a refrigerator out of a garage...turned into a two hour, two man job that we had to remove the door to the STORAGE ROOM, AND remove the handles to the fridge. 

Seriously, I am not sure if it is ignorance, or tryin to get a job done for as cheap as possible.  Probably a litle from column A and a little from column B.  Why people can't be honest with us beforehand is frustrating to say the least.  I forgot to mention that this lady lived in BFE!! Her 15miles from one property to the other turned out to be close to 30, and that is after driving 40mins across town to get to her.  And when we were done....you guessed it...we were still in BFE!!  So this quick one hour job, took almost three, of which we were paid for about half of it.  THIS is why bigger moving companies charge minimums, set up fees, and anything else they can get away with.  All we try to do is get paid for the time we actually work, and people act like we are tryin to rip them off.  Good Times.....

What's That Smell?!

Obviously from past posts you might have guessed that we aren't doing a lot of work at luxury resorts.  From the Botchulism post you know that some of the places are downright disgusting.  Well yesterday one of the places was just straight up interesting.  From the outside it was a pretty nice looking apartment complex.  However, upon further review, looks can be deceiving.  The stairwells were littered with trash, and hollowed out cigarettes..do I have to explain "why someone would do that"?  There even were some fine, upstanding, young gentlemen slingin dice in the hallway.  However....there were two GREAT SIGHTINGS....

Trying to keep this on the topic of moving, this is a GREAT use of Packing Tape.  I just hope the battery doesn't die....

My only question for this is....I wonder what his underwear looks like.  I mean SERIOUSLY...what is the point of this?  Even though I failed to document it, the other side had a hole almost as big.....

On this particular job we also got to play one of our favorite games..."WHAT'S THAT SMELL"?!?!  It's such a fun game, the only problem is there really is no way to win.  Even after you identify the odor, you still have to endure it.  Yesterday the exact culprit was never identifed...I can only describe it as A CITY BUS THAT WAS TRANSPORTING DEAD BODIES!  It was a combination of some decease animal(s), bleach, and blasting the ac.  

Good times....

Will Work for FREE!!!

Sometimes I really wonder what people are thinking.  Since I would venture to guess that at least 51% (how's that for conservative) of the clients we get from Craigslist are hourly emplyoyees, I don't understand why the wage per hour concept escapes them.  It is pretty simple math.  We have a standard hourly labor cost, and paying for 1 hour of work buys you just that, 1 HOUR!!

Now as far as I know an hour is a pretty standard unit of measure.  Maybe I am missing something.  If we start a job at 2pm, and we were paid to work for 1hr, then at 3:01 we either stop working or we negotiate for more time.  And obviously the added time will be paid for.  If an hourly employee had a boss ask them to "clock out" and then finish up I am pretty sure they would be in the HR department by the end of the day.  So why do they expect me to be ok with that, when they obviously never would?

These people hire someone to move their belongings for whatever reason.  And then suddenly they expect me to be their best friend, and "help them out"....because I obviously love moving furniture (for the record once I get accepted into Car Wash School I am sooo quitting).  It's ridiculous.  When they call we quote a price "sight unseen" and they KNOW that it is a quote.  Half the time they call and say they have to move THAT DAY!!  For whatever reason...divorce, bad break up, eviction, etc...gotta be done that day.  Then when we somehow manage to accomodate their request, they don't want to hand over any more $$ once we realize that we are going to go over the original time quoted.  Even though they have seen us NOT STOP MOVING the entire time, and witnessed us avoiding all the pitfalls and boobytraps that they failed to mention...still somehow it is our fault for not being able to bend the laws of time.

Didn't measure to see if the new fridge would fit...too bad get it done on time. 

Forgot to unhook, disassemble, dismantle the furniture to be moved...no problem the movers can do that.

Left everything in the drawers so the dresser is 4Xs as heavy as it should be...no problem as long as it is easier for you.

Doesn't EVERY stove fit in EVERY house?!

Whatever you do don't move ANYTHING out of the way before the movers get there...we love extra work.

And please own a lot of glass things....

Sorry for the mini rant.  Got a little off topic.  The worst part about the hourly rate is that once the stuff is loaded up, if we run over time and they dont want to pay we are stuck either way.  No matter what, we have to unload their stuff.  It can be one of the more frustrating parts of the business, and that is saying a lot considering.  That is why bigger moving companies have set up fees, and minimums to cover all these issues.  In an effort to save people some money, considering the economy, and it usually winds up biting us on the backside...more specifically the wallet.

Quote of the day...."Oh I'm sorry.....I was going to give you guys a tip for your hard work, but I need all this money"

Guess what lady...with all due respect I need that money too....

Pandora's Box

In Greek myth Pandora's Box was said to contain all evil's in the world.  And when curiosity got the best of her, Pandora released that evil into the world.

This storage bin on the other hand seems safe enough. However, for some strange reason, when people go to move they seem to think it is just as magical.  Rather than opening it up and releasing evil, the exact opposite phenomenon seems to happen.  People, women more often than not (no offense), seem to forget about the earth gravitational pull.  Which is ironic, since it is something they use every day to determine their mood, by way of the bathroom scale. 

Funny enough though, the same math that adds pounds to the scale every time you gorge yourself on chocolate, also adds weight to the storage bin when you decide to throw all your books from college that you can't bear to part with.  Seriously ladies, this happens all the time.  Just because those books will fit into ONE container does not mean its a good idea.  Remember, you are moving, and that requires MOVING!!  Eventually you are going to have to pick the thing up.

I can't tell you how many times we show to move some one and "some boxes" turns out to be a plastic storage bins filled beyond capacity.  Then we are expected to move this bin WITHOUT it falling apart.  And when it does start to give way under the strain, the laws of physics are suddenly our fault.  What's even funnier, or not as it were, is they they usually have multiple bins but they put all the books in just one.  Rather than take time to THINK, and spread the weight out so as not to test the limits of construction, all the heavy stuff goes in the same bin.  Whenever we get to a new place, in the back of my mind I feel like a contestant on Press Your Luck.  Silently repeating, "No whammy...No Whammy....", but whenever I see the bin marked BOOKS my back immediately starts to hurt.  All I ask is that you put a little thought into it, but then I know I am asking too much.

National Botchulism Week??!

Ok...I was recently discussing the topic of this post with a friend when they pointed out that Botchulism isn't airborne and can only be contracted upon consumption of bad food. However, after further research it is actually possible to contract through an open wound. Honestly, whether it is appropriate to the subject matter or not I just think it is a cool word.




So why was last week National Botchulism Week? Honestly I do not know which Magistrate decided it, as it was not marked on any calendars that I encountered. However, after the events of the week I must assume that some governing body held a secret meeting and decided, at the very least, that it should be celebrated in my small part of the World.

Now I know that primarily advertising on craigslist you are drawing from a certain population. And before I come off as "looking down from my ivory tower"...I am in fact a craigslist person. However, in any group, whether it be religious, political, or cheap people there are always EXTREMES. These pics show some of the extremes. Now I admit that I am NOT a germophobe, and there might be some dust in my current dwelling, however at no time would visitors feel the need to don a Hazmat Suit to safely enter.

Sometimes the smell from these places are so bad, you wonder how the current residents managed to breathe. I mean I know that you can get used to smells over time. When I was younger my grandfather had a farm and I got used to all kinds of barnyard aromas. This doesn’t mean that I wanted to set up a kitchen table in the pig pen and eat lunch. While I am on the subject of foul odors...whenever we come into a house of HEAVY SMOKERS...it is almost as bad. My eyes wind up watering, and I usually feel like crap for the rest of the day. I still don't get how people enjoy that, but then that is another subject for another day.

I just hope, in vain I'm sure, that National Botchulism Week only comes once this year. Getting a tetanus shot once a month is painful, and bathing in antibacterial lotion is pricey.

Truth in advertising...

...or a lack there of.

Ok, I going to try not to go off on too many tangents with this post.  However, this is a subject that has always annoyed me.  The P. T. Barnum line, "there's a sucker born every minute" was undoubtedly a conservative estimate.  My personal belief is that late night TV ads are a pretty good watermark of where we are as a civilization.  How scary is that when you think about it?  The irony of an ad trying to sell us on adding a "4th Meal" to our already sedintary day....being followed up by an ad for a weight loss product that magically blocks the added calories of that "beef product taco" without the "pain and discomfort of diet/exercise".  Like I said, I am going to try to stay on point here.

The specific reason for this post is that I saw another ad for "The Forearm Forklift".  Now I know posting a bad review on this page may seem a tad hypocritical sense I am sure google will have some form of "magical lifting strap" advertised somewhere to the right of these words.  However, in google's defense, what else are they going to try to sell on a Mover's Blog?  It's not like the late Billy May's and his brethren are spending a lot of time hocking equipment to make moving easier.  And who could blame them, even if you make moving slightly easier it's still too much physical activity for the average American to willingly participate in.  It is so much easier just to pay some poor schmuck like me to do it.

Again trying to get back on point, The commercials for The Forearm Forklift are an absolute JOKE!  Now don't get me wrong, the straps work for some limited applications.  They honestly make moving some things easier.  However, they make moving some things even more awkward, so it's kind of a wash.  Having been in this business for over a year I know how heavy things are on average.  To me it is insulting when you see two 100lb women moving a refrigerator.  Now before I am mistaken for a chauvinist, the reason it is insulting is because I can tell that they have gutted the fridge so it only weight 50lbs.  And then you see these same "heroin chic" models carrying a plastic piano downstairs or some other impossible move. 

For the record, I am NOT a critic that criticizes things I know nothing about.  I have actually used the straps several times.  We have had them for over a year.  And after fighting with them for about a month, we have pretty much never used them, except in specific situations.  Basically, they do help in certain circumstances, but they are not as magical as the commercials would have you believe.  What I wish they would sell is "common sense".  Honestly, that is what most moving clients really need, but then so does the rest of humanity.  The guy (or gal) that comes up with a way to sell THAT will be an instant Bazillionaire, but I have just eaten breakfast...so I digest.

Caveat Emptor...Let the buyer beware

To this day....

You know the more I write about my experiences I a disappointed that I did not start this sooner.  Some of these stories would be even more entertaining if they were still fresh in my mind.  However, having said that, this particular encounter has perplexed in such a way that I think I can remember it in it's entirety.

On it' surface this was nothing more than a piano move.  And actually the business part of this story is but a footnote.  The curiosity comes from the details.  When we originally put the address I knew we were going to a REALLY BAD part of town.  Despite the abandon cars on the side of the road, filthy empty lots, and homeless people pushing shopping carts full of their worldly belongs, someone in this neighborhood had acquired a piano.  We drove up to the "house", and save for a few details it looked abandoned.  The grass was literally waist high.  The city had even posted a sign on the side of the house pointing out that it was in violation of a least one of the codes.  The strange part, on the outside at least, was that there was a $20-30k Harley Davidson leaning up against this $15k House.  So from the beginning my curiosity was piqued. 

Considering the context of the house and neighborhood, I have to admit I had a predetermined idea of what the individual inside looked like.  Never in a million years would I have imagined how wrong I was. Standing just inside the opened door was ridiculously attractive young latino woman, wearing a very low cut designer dress (or a knockoff what do I know).  I couldn't wrap my head around all the contradicitions I was witnessing.  If she was indeed the person living here had she skimped on home improvement to pay for her recent augmentation?!  While on that subject, had that procedure reduced sensitivity to a point where she did not realize the areola on full display?!  To be honest, she looked like a PRO that was rather comfortable with a bit of exhibitionism.  In that moment, not only had I forgotten why we were here, but I had also not noticed the inside of this house.  As I came back to my senses and looked around, I don't even know how to describe it.  It basically looked like someone had taken the house and shook it until the insides were scrambled.  However, being relatively sure we have never had a local earthquake, I determined that we must be in the home of a HOARDER.

Every layer of this situation causes confusion.  The piano....almost forgot about that.  Upon meeting us at the door, and the subsequent flashing, she says "oh I didn't know you were coming, let me clean up." She then proceeded to pick up one or two pieces of trash that revealed the outline of a walking path that had been made in the garbage covered floor.  SERIOUSLY?!  First of all, she did know we were coming since we had just talked to her on the phone.  Secondly, "let me clean up" is hilarious for obvious reasons.

So we actually got to the anticlimactic part of the story, the moving of the piano.  However, while we were working she made her way into this little bedroom where she had exactly one chair that wasnt buried.  She sat there with her laptop while we loaded the piano.  When we got ready to leave she locked up, obviously for fear that someone might squat in the house.  She walked out to a car that I thought was abandoned in the high grass.  Much to my surprise, the vehicle came to life after a little effort on her part, and away she went.

To this day I have soooo many questions.  I seriously have no idea what was going on in that house.  And in all honestly, I am sure there are some questions that are better left unasked.....

You shouldn't have....REALLY....

Now I may be overstepping my bounds with the entry, but what are blogs for, if not to do just that.  This is sort of a follow up to my last entry about the client that left 2 beers in the fridge.  I told you the front end of the story, since at the time it amused me the most and briefly restored my faith in mankind.  However, the more I thought about it, the delivery phase of this move might prove to be more entertaining.

Lost in the original story was that we were moving a hutch.  This is a fancy term for a display case of sorts where people show off their "I'm better than you" belongings.  When we got there to retreive this one in particular we could tell it was "unique".  Upon furthur inspection you could tell that it was hand-made, which is why it had several imperfections.  Obviously, we had to document these BEFORE touching it, lest we be blamed for all its shortcomings. 

From her reaction it would seem that the buyer had purchased this item sight unseen, or just through craigslist pictures.  This practice never seems to amaze me.  I can't imagine giving a random stranger more than $10 for something I have not been in the same room with to verify it's condition.  Obviously, from my description, you may have guessed that neither my partner or I thought this piece was particularly great.  However, her reaction or overeaction as it were, made it clear that she had a much higher opinion of it.  She literally FREAKED OUT!!  You would have thought we had showed up at her door with ballons, the late Ed McMahon, and an oversized check.  "Oh my God....it's so beautiful"...this announcement was then followed by the female hands to mouth move that is usually sufficient to ward off hyperventilation or fainting.  Call me a minimalist, but this reaction seemed over the top even if I had shared her opinion of the piece's beauty.  And then she uttered the words still puzzle me.....

"It's sooooo beautiful....HE* will LOVE IT"!!  "This is HIS* 10th Anniversary present".  After hearing this my mind could only come up with one word....SERIOUSLY?!  Now I admit that it is very presumptuous of me to think I know this man better than his wife of 10 years, but....SERIOUSLY?!  It's a dining room hutch.  Then I got to wondering WHY on Earth would she think HE* would love it?  A quick glance around did not reveal the home of a male interior designer or an "artist" of any kind.  What was it that had happened over the course of 10 years of marriage that would result in HIM* preferring a dining room hutch to a pool table or golf clubs?  What had happened to my fellow man?!  Having no way to answer these questions, I suddenly felt very sad for HIM*.  If, as I suspect, he did NOT love this gift as much as his wife expected then it would be somewhat of a disappointment.  However, if he did love it that much, then something along the way must have broken his spirit.  For I can say with relative certainty, that 10 years ago this MAN was NOT thinking if he stayed married or 10 years he would be rewarded with a HUTCH.

For fear of inducing a brain aneurysm I am going to attempt to let this go.  A dining room hutch....SERIOUSLY?!

Pronouns* were used to protect the innocent, and more than likely the disappointed.

Every once in awhile.....

You know, the purpose of this blog was the give you a glimpse into this ridiculous profession.  And 99% of the time that is exactly what it will be.  However, every once in awhile the stars line up, and a miracle happens. We were supposed to move a hutch.  This was a seemingly simple job that I, ever the optomist, was expecting to be another fiasco.  And for the first time in over a year it wasn't.

The seller had sold everything else in the house except for this piece of furniture.  They were not even at the property when we arrived.  So immedately I am in a good mood because there is no one looking over our shoulder.  And since there was NOTHING in the house there was nothing to navigate around.  Or at least I thought the house was empty.  I am not even sure why I looked.  It is not something I ever do, but curiosity got the best of me.  And there it was......ABSOLUTE PERFECTION....

To make a long story short...if you want to make your movers abnormally happy, just follow these few simple rules.

* Don't be there, just leave a key under the mat.

* Move every single piece of furniture out of the dwelling except the piece we are moving.

* Leave two non-domestic beers in the fridge...preferable something dark.

And they lived happily ever after.....

What's Under YOUR Bed?!

Many of us spend much of our formative years fearing a mythic creature residing under our bed. Whether it be your average run of the mill monster, or the antichrist of the underworld, the Boogey Man...it is NOTHING compared what adults keep under their bed.

When we get older and have the financial resources to purchase whatever our imagination desires, the twisted nature of humankind is on full display UNDER THEIR BEDS. Some of these novelties might be confined to the night stand. However, it seems many of these individuals use all the creativity they have at their disposal for sexual deviency, and have nothing left for coming up with unique hiding places.

What two people (or one or MANY) do in the confines of their home is completely up to the legal age parties involved. However, PLEASE clean under the bed before the movers get there. I really don't care to know what gas-powered, multi adapter piece of equipment you choose to get the job done. And what makes it worse is that the people with these goodies under the bed are NEVER the people you want to imagine implementing said devices.

Punchlines...

Rather than tell the long drawn out stories of recent memory I figured I would condence some of them down to just the punchline. This will give you a glimpse into what happens on a daily basis...

* We moved a refrigerator, that someone purchased without measuring it or their doorway. NO ONE MEASURES ANYTHING!! They just assume everything will fit everywhere. In reality this fridge would NOT fit in the front door, no matter what we pulled out of our bag of tricks. The client said, "well I have a sliding glass door on the back of the house that is bigger...it should fit through there." Which it would have...if she had not FORGOTTEN that she had a screened in porch with a very small screen door.

* We move another refrigerator FULL OF FOOD!! It still amazes me that people schedule a mover to move a fridge and they forget to remove the food from it before we get there. However, on this particular job the food was left on purpose, so we thought. For the record, moving a full fridge is a LOT more difficult than moving an empty one. The punchline of this....after wrestling with a fridge full of food we unloaded it and asked the client if they wanted it plugged back in...their response..."nah, we are just going to throw that food out anyway". Are you freaking kidding me?!

* We moved one of the trashiest collections of furniture ever. One of the items was a 20 year old couch. Upon arriving at the delivery address we were asked "can you take that couch out to the curb?" Ummmmmmm....WHY DID WE MOVE THAT?!

* A few boxes = 55 Boxes.....we counted.

* She said..."We have TWO desks we moved them up there by ourselves, we are older now and can't move them back down". Sounds simple right. Well what she should have said is..."we have FOUR pieces of equipment, and we don't know how to count....WE HIRED FOUR GUYS to move them upstairs and we forgot about that". When the husband heard the story that we were told by the wife he rolled his eyes...it almost made the near death experience moving the desks worth it.

More punchlines to come.....

Do you have stairs?

This seems like such a simple question, and anyone with reasonable intelligence should be able to answer. Unfortunately, from my experience, people that seek moving assistance via craigslist are not of reasonable intelligence. I have yet to determine if it is ignorance on their part, or an outright attempt at deception to secure a cheaper rate of service. Either way, it never ceases to amaze me.

We are hired to move a piano. The difficulty of this job can vary greatly. However, if we are allowed to use the tools of our trade, and there are no surprises it is manageable. THERE ARE ALWAYS SURPRISE!! This seemed like a simple move, one piano. We loaded it up and transported it without issue. In setting up the job we asked the all important question, DO YOU HAVE STAIRS? This kindly woman of 50 or so assured us that she did not. And upon meeting her, she seemed like an honest soul. My opinion of her changed dramatically when we arrived at the delivery address. There it was, her ignorance/deception right in front of us....

WE WERE MOVING THIS PIANO INTO A MOBILE HOME!! First off, Seriously?! The floors of a single wide trailer are NOT meant to support a full sized piano. That not withstanding, what do ALL trailers require for entrance? STAIRS!! For those of you that have accessed a trailer before, those stairs are STEEP!! For those of you lucky enough to avoid ever having to move a full sized piano into a single ide trailer...REJOICE! For it is definitely a scenario to avoid at all costs. After explaining to this lady that the wood and metal contraptions attached to both her front and back doors were in fact stairs, we set to task. To make a ridiculous story short, just short of a hernia later we got the piano in the back door. As to whether or not that piano is still in her laundry room, or it fell through her floor and rendered her dwelling unliveable I cannot say. I can say, with relative certainty, it will not be the last time someone answers that question wrong.

Why does everyone hate moving?

Because it sucks....that's why people pay idiots like me to do it for them. Who could blame them?

Welcome to The Angry Mover's Blog. This should be an adventure for us both. While I get to fight off heatstroke, and avoid falling down stairs, you get free entertainment. I honestly wish that I had started this blog from the beginning. As good as my memory is, I am sure I cannot remember all of the ridiculousness that I have encountered. Luckily for you, in this industry, the next horror story is only the next job away.

How did it come to this? I am a personal trainer by trade. Most of the year I make my living helping people reach their goals. It is something I am passionate about doing, and I really enjoy it. However, as we all know, New Year's Eve Resolutions melt in Summer's heat. By the time Fall rolls around next year seems like the best time to get in shape. The fitness industry has a 3 month lull which is hard on the wallet. So a friend of mine and I decided to start a movning company to supplement our income. How hard could it be right? I pick up heavy stuff in the gym all the time without getting paid. This seemed like a good idea. After a years worth of ridiculous stories I realize how wrong I was. Picking up several hundred pounds in the gym is a challenge. However, it is nothing like picking up a $20 particle board bookcase from Target that someone expects you to treat like a family heirloom and hope it doesnt fall apart in the process.

I will post some retroactive stories as I recall them, as well as update you on the day to day adventure. Please remain seated until the ride comes to a complete halt.